How to edit your speeches

Many of you seem to have missed the point of transcribing and editing your speeches.
Transcribing is very important because it makes you think about what you said and the mistakes you made. As you are transcribing you should be thinking about grammar errors, wrong use of vocabulary and basic speech structure. For example, did you support each main point enough?
Editing is very important because it gives you a chance to correct these errors and makes you think about how you could have made your speech better.

Below are two speeches and the edits made by the speakers. They are very poor edits. Actually, all the students did was remove the 'mm' and 'aa' type expressions. The students made no attempt to improve their speeches. This is probably my fault for not explaining well-enough what I wanted them to do.

Below each edited version is an edit I made. Please notice the difference in the students' and my edited versions. I want you to use my edits as a model for yours. Try to make your speech as perfect as possible. Also, please put a word count after both your transcription and your edit. The edit should always be longer. The word limit for edited versions is 100 to 120 words.

Student A transcription
I prefer living a big city to a small city. First, big city is convenient for us to live. Uh… for example, when we want to shopping or commuting…commute, big city has many shops and… station. We can use these things. Ann…a secondly, big city is safety. So police aaa… and fire worker protect us every time and every night. Thirdly, a big city is very fun. We can enjoy many amusement park or movies with friends. So I think…(80 words)

Student A Edited Version
I prefer living a big city to a small city. First, a big city is convenient for us to live. For example, when we want to shop or commute, a big city has many shops and stations. We can use these things. Secondly, a big city is safety. Police and fire worker protect us every time and every night. Thirdly, a big city is very fun. We can enjoy many amusement parks or movies with friends. So I think…(79 words)
Alex comment: Not  a very good speech. Almost no support for the main points. Instead of trying to get in three unsupported main points the student should have stayed with two and explained why these main points are important.

Alex's edited version
I prefer living in a big city to living in a small town. First, a big city is  much more convenient  for us to live in. For example, when we want to go shopping or need to commute, a big city has many shops and stations, so these essential daily activities can be done simply and without stress. Secondly, a big city is safer than a small town. The many police and fire service workers in large urban areas protect us 24 hours a day. In a small town the police and fire stations may be very far from our house. If we do have an emergency, it might take a long time for help to arrive. (117 words)

Student B transcription
I prefer living in a big city. Big city is comfortable to live in and there are many place to work. Firstly, mm… there are many shops and super market or hospitals so on. But small town has a little of shops or super markets or hospitals mm… . .Secondly, big city has many places to work. So we can work whenever we want.  (64 words)

Student B Edited Version
I prefer living in a big city. Big city is comfortable to live in and there are many place to work. Firstly, there are many shops and super market or hospitals so on. But small town has a little of shops or super markets or hospitals. Secondly, big city has many places to work. So, we can work whenever we want.  (64 words)
Alex comment: Another poor speech. It is structurally confused. Indeed it seems to be trying to follow and essay-type structure with 'introduction' and 'body paragraphs'. There is also very little support for the main points..

Alex's edited version
I prefer living in a big city. Firstly, a big city is comfortable to live in. There are many more shops, supermarkets and hospitals in large urban areas. A small town, however,  has fewer of these places, and shopping for daily goods can be difficult. Shopping for specialist items like clothes or electronic goods can be impossible outside a big city. Secondly, big city has many more places to work. Because of its size, there are many companies, schools, government offices and entertainment places in a big city, and the employment opportunities are much greater. Finding a job is not easy in a small town. (105 words)